Equality in our daily lives but not in our Jewish lives

SHARON BERGER: We shouldn’t act as a silent majority placidly accepting what men decide is in our best interest. We give our power away too easily, reluctant to ruffle feathers

JEWISH MOTHERS GET a bad rap in popular culture. They are portrayed as overbearing, complaining, loud, overprotective and guilt inducing. Often depicted with strong New York accents, they have been typecast, usually negatively, in countless movies and TV shows. 

Yet underneath all the nagging they are strong, determined women who speak their minds. They call the shots and their often brow-beaten husbands are seen as weak, bumbling fools who do whatever they are told.

Yet the fiercely strong female control portrayed in the Jewish home struggles to cross over to communal and public borders. While women in general are making huge strides in breaking through the glass ceiling, the Jewish community remains resistant to true gender equality.

This is exacerbated by the rising extremist tendencies, most evident in Israel, where not only do ultra-Orthodox parties refuse to field female candidates but increasingly women are being deliberately erased from the public eye.

While more apparent in Israel, it’s also happening across the Jewish world more broadly. In June, a well-respected teacher at the London School of Jewish Studies (LSJS) had her fellowship revoked because she received smicha (rabbinic ordination) and took on the title of Rabba after three years of study. UK Chief Rabbi Ephraim Mirvis, who is also President of LSJS, said she had “stepped beyond the boundaries of mainstream Orthodoxy.”

Although she was subsequently reinstated after an outcry, it’s important to question why a woman learning Jewish law is so threatening to the male hierarchy. Knowledge is power and I hope more women and girls will be encouraged to embrace it.

For thousands of years this has largely been the domain of the men, and some are so firmly entrenched in “tradition” that they are not willing to embrace the change that is happening under their feet.

In more enlightened Orthodox communities, female spiritual leaders have been appointed and the world has continued spinning. In Progressive Jewish communities this situation has been normalised for some time.

In the meantime we as a community shouldn’t act as a silent majority placidly accepting what these men decide is in our best interest. Their delegitimisation of our choices, whether to study, or pray (at the Western Wall or elsewhere), to cover our hair or not, to get divorced, or dress the way we would like should motivate us all to harness the power we have.

An obvious example in the Australian Jewish community is the prevalence of manels (all male panels). I no longer attend such events where no effort has been made to include a female voice. I encourage you to not only call out the organisations hosting them, but to stop attending.

Women are more than 50 per cent of the population. We have many male allies. If we spoke with our feet, I am convinced organisations would address our concerns. We give this power away too easily, as we have often been taught not to challenge the status quo or are reluctant to ruffle feathers.

Let’s embrace the positive aspects of the Jewish mother stereotype and stand up for what we believe in. We have been raised to believe men and women are equal in our non-religious lives, yet when it comes to our Jewish norms there is a major lag. Just as we all believe in equal pay, let’s also advance equal opportunity within our communities.

“Is he/she Jewish?” is a standard mantra of the Jewish mother’s lexicon upon meeting a child’s potential partner. At its core it’s tapping into what is a family’s legacy. Will the family’s traditions, norms and practices continue to be carried down to the next generation? 

Traditionally the idea of Jewish heritage being passed through matrilineal descent recognised the pivotal role of the mother in passing these traditions from generation to generation.

Within my family there is a legacy of strong Jewish women who I feel connected to, none more so than my own mother, who passed away recently. She was opinionated, tough as nails, and spoke her mind. She grew up in a time before feminism existed yet believes in gender equality.  I feel lucky to have such a great role model.

We have much to learn from the inspiring women around us. Don’t forget to take a moment during these days of reflection and gratitude to tell your mother, wife, partner, sister, daughter, friend how much they enrich your life.

Sharon Berger is Program Manager at the New Israel Fund, Australia. Sharon is a former journalist for The Jerusalem Post, Reuters, the Economist and the Australian Jewish News.